The bit-tech Cheesecake Supertest 2

Gü Choc and Vanilla Cheesecake

Alex: Right, the Gü Choc and Vanilla cheesecakes. These are slightly special and come in little glass ramekins. That’s right. Two in a box. Ideal if it’s you and a loved one over Christmas, or if you’re really hungry.

Joe: Are we pronouncing Gü right? Is it ‘goo’ or ‘guh’? Because it has that little umlaut…

Alex: With an umlaut though it becomes like ‘ooo’ though, doesn’t it? ‘Ooo’.

Clive: Ooo.

Harry: Ooo.

Rich: Ooo.

Joe: I don’t know. I’ve not listened to enough Heavy Metal albums to know for sure.

Clive: Anyway, each cheesecake weighs 90g and gives you 323 calories, 22.4g of fat and 19.2g of sugar. That’s less calories but more fat and sugar than the last one.


Alex: How does that work?

Harry: Hopefully, very well. Though it’s almost a quarter fat.

Alex: I tell you what, it is actually quite good though. If you served it to Santa then he wouldn’t belt you over the head.

Harry: Ooo. This is chocolately. It’s a thermo-baric chocolate weapon. There’s very little cheesy middle and very little crumbly base. It’s just chocolate, through and through. I would argue that this barely constitutes a cheesecake.

Joe: That’s lovely. You can’t really taste any cheese, it’s pretty much only chocolate.

Alex: Actually, I think Harry is right. If you went to the shops after some cheesecake and you bought this then you might be disappointed. They’re not bad, but they’re not cheesecake.

Clive: Yeah, it’s mostly ganache, isn’t it? That chocolate layer on the top is ganache.


Harry: No, ganache is Dennis the Menace’s dog.

Alex: Now we get to see who’s been to the most fancy restaurants and picked up the most lingo. Clive has seen my ‘ramekins’ and raised me one ‘ganache’.

Clive: Also; we’ll see who’s read the box. That’s what that is.

Rich: Harry is tidying that cheesecake off nicely. It’s nearly all gone. We better have got some photos before.

Joe: Well, if we eat enough then it’ll just come back up on us anyway.

Alex: Yuck. Anyway, I liked that but I don’t think it’s really a cheesecake. As a dessert I’d score it 8 or 9, but as a cheesecake I’d score it a Fail.

Joe: I don’t like the ramekins. They have corners, which means you can’t get a spoon or fork in to get every last scrape out. I hate waste.

Harry: Is there a EU Directive for what determines a cheesecake? If you are really bored this Christmas, find out and let us know.